Straddling ever more platforms, I find myself “falling behind” or leaving gaps in what I hope one day presents as an organic archive of my process. Maybe when I die (or before…why not?) someone will find it intriguing enough to go back and retrace the glimpses of true parts of myself I’ve offered in scattered projects, like some haphazardly designed autobiographical puzzle that hangs together on sheer faith in the mysterious longevity of the Internet and its secret machinations of hyperlinked search engine optimization.
Despite my best efforts and opinions on the matter, I admit this disconnect has been partially motivated by my own discomfort. The lack of current blog posts on this website reveals that I have, to some degree, been held back in sharing with my strongest voice.
Although it may look like I have not been writing, you should see my notebooks! They keep me company on days when my body can’t contain the flow of feelings and when my mind feels passenger to an epic ride across conceptual peaks in a single sitting. One of the best things I have learned over the past several years is to go with it and trust that I could (and later on might even) retrace the valleys if given more time to thoroughly process the reflective journey. In the moment, though, my pen hastily attempts to capture the outlines with dashed lines to connect pieces of any given swirling mind web. Trust that those pages have continued to fill with the flow of my own continuous growth and development.
And then there is my page on Buy Me A Coffee. As it turns out, I have also written several things there since what I shared from last May. There was an autumn post about becoming a butterfly (metaphorically, of course) and how I had no intention of staying a butterfly for too long since butterflying in this particular way was not my full goal. In more recent weeks, I managed to purge a rather exhausting (to me) rumination about how I still tend to write about wanting to write, again and again and again, which was partially inspired by my own momentary dip into puzzle pieces of my “philifesophy” from a decade past! But the point of this post is to hyperlink back to the BMAC post I published on January 1st about my intention for the new year. To become. To become who I am. More specifically, to become a meta philosophical performance artist.
Consider it an overt “easter egg” for future reference. This year, I am eager to expand in ways that feel even more aligned with my process and explore what decades of philosophy and life have woven together into the most pleasurable and exciting of my own truths. If I can avoid holding myself back, all of this becoming and meta philosophical performance art thing-ing may become more evident rather soon. In which case, I also hope to bring more of that lively transformation back to this “professional” website of mine.